I am condensing what has happened in my 10 years of being a mother down to 3 things because I like quick lessons.
- Motherhood is a 24/7 job
- As your children grow, you grow.
- Happy mom, happy family.
I never knew what it would be like to be a mother because I couldn’t see that vision for myself. But now that it’s been 10 years of my motherhood journey, I feel like I have gone through so many lessons I didn’t anticipate. This is from my perspective only. Other mothers may not think the same. This is not a perspective coming from a father either.
Motherhood is a 24/7 Job
You may wonder why I call it a job. Well let me tell you why.
The related definition of a job is:
anything a person is expected or obliged to do; duty; responsibility: (dictionary.com)
As parents, once that baby is out of the womb, it is our duty and responsibility to keep this child alive until they are able to care for themselves. A parent determines on their own when a child is able to “self-care”; everyone has a set age or time.
It’s 24 hours a day and 7 days a week job because every day is another day to keep your child alive, as well as yourself. Not only during the awake hours but also during the sleep hours. We have to make ourselves available to support our child’s needs every day and every hour.
Mothers are always thinking about their children. From wondering what to feed them, how much clothes they need, what activities to give them, what type of personality they are, and other wonders. Along with that comes worries because we get insecure if question the decisions we’ve made thus far.
I know some people don’t like the word job to represent parenting, but if you just change the word to responsibility or duty, it will be a similar meaning. Whatever you call it, mothering, fathering, or parenting requires us to be available for our children whenever and wherever they need our help or assistance.
As your children grow, you grow
When we get pregnant, we envision what our life will be like having that child at home. We think they will be little for a long time so we buy the little clothes, the baby gear and the cute home furnishings and accessories. We ponder about how much we will need in the next 3 months, followed by the 6 months and 12 months and beyond.
Yes, our babies grow out of many clothes and accessories as their body changes. But they aren’t the only ones needed to outgrow things or ideas.
But did you know that you must also grow along with your child? I am not talking about size or weight or clothes. I am talking about every new growth spurt of your child requires a new version of yourself.
You can’t treat a toddler as a teenager and vice versa. Because our children have their own spirit and personality, we must adapt to them as well. We will be learning from each other as the years go by.
Although I am adult, I feel like I am always having to learn new ways of approaching my children at their different age ranges. But more importantly, I treat them like humans respectively. I give them the space to express themselves although sometimes it requires me to guide them to speak more amicably and to not speak negatively. Their ideas are more new and fresh so I also get a sense of how they view their world.
Our children absorb all the information they receive from us. We are their biggest influence and reflection. We are learning from each other every step of the way.
Happy Mom, Happy Family
In some cultures, such as my own Mexican upbringing, the mother is the leader of the household. Yes the men are seen as the “leaders” because majority are the breadwinners in our culture. But for purposes of this post, mothers are the leaders of the household. Meaning that the women lead the home in terms of being the default parent to teach the children to support the family unit. The first place children learn from is the home.
As mothers we have many responsibilities (not just housekeeping, home organization, cooking, etca), we also have to be responsible for our own happiness. Which I believe is a HUGE responsibility that is often seen as not being motherly.
I’ve seen some people express their concern for me whenever I make comments about making myself happy first. I’ve always acted selfishly only because I only know what’s best for me. But when women who may or may not be mothers hear this, they see this as wrong.
Let me tell you why it’s important for a mother to be happy and why she needs to do it herself. Yes, our children give us a newfound joy that we’ve never felt before, but love is limitless and it doesn’t stop there.
In order for a mother to be happy, she must love herself. How does she love herself? By getting to understand her own being and spending time alone to figure that out! Does that mean she has be away from her family for a long period of time to understand that? No, those could be other reasons we will not get into this post.
But when a mother is taking time to spend doing something alone, even for a few minutes or hours or a day, she is taking a breath, a moment to love herself. To remind herself that she is also human, that she also needs the happiness, the support, the hugs just as much as she gives. Yes, sometimes other people can provide her those needs, but in the end, she must still self-rely on her own happiness. As humans, we have our own brains and thoughts to nourish ourselves.
Because a happy person spreads joy everywhere they go. This joy and happiness is contagious and that is carried inside children wherever they stay and go.
What are your 3 lessons you’ve learned in the motherhood journey? Let me know in the comments below.